


Of Beasts and Brotherhood

by lawrencetheshark



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Developing Relationship, Graphic depictions of violence and gore, M/M, New Universe, Revolution, Slavery, destroyed self esteem, humans enslaving trolls, possible war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:19:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawrencetheshark/pseuds/lawrencetheshark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where humans and trolls live together, there is little peace to be found. Those who once reigned on high have been put to work under the human menace. Those with the closest blood to humans are the only seen fit to have a choice.</p><p>Karkat Vantas is an inspector of sorts. After several sweeps of seeing nobody familiar, he finds himself face-to-face with the most appalling sight he's ever seen--and after SGRUB, that's saying something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gods

**Author's Note:**

> i've been thinking about this AU for a long time now and i just wanted to get it out. i have no idea what it may hold in the future and tags will be added as necessary.

The world was dark and a thick smoke hung in the atmosphere above a layer of oppression and injustice. Silence wrapped around most every street corner like a shroud, only broken by screams of beings once in a position of relative power being beaten down to death or worse. Those with skin of brown regarded the few with skin of gray in a suspicious and demeaning manner, yet accepted their red eyes (indicative of a humanlike caste) and moved on.

Trolls and humans had come to live together in a land created by the Great Scratch, the outcome of the interlocking SBURB and SGRUB sessions finally completed by the 16 Gods. Unfortunately humankind, in all its self-professed glory, was never able to learn their own stupidity, and treated the trolls as wicked and alien beings, lower class and fit for slavery. Those once somewhat high on the Hemospectrum now served under the reign of human masters—including the Gods.

Mutant trolls like Karkat Vantas were among the few trolls accepted into at least middle-class human society. Their blood was basically the same, and so, according to the human hierarchy, they could be considered “human.” The rest were put to work. Each was employed to suit their skills properly, though they had no opportunities beyond what the masters gave them, had no room to think for themselves, and were basically treated like dogs, convenient beasts for the furtherance of humankind.

Karkat highly disliked the predicament he and his fellow Gods had been put in. The humans now sat on high as governmental figureheads while the 12 trolls were put to work. It was unfair, to say the least. It was degrading and it was beyond mad. If anything the trolls ought to be the ones sitting pretty, seeing as they basically did everything to get the kids to where they ended up.

The still young troll sighed as he stood outside a large factory. It was really more of a military camp of sorts, training trolls to be obedient and fight for their human overlords against those in different lands. Karkat was lucky enough to be self-employed, but he still had to report to the government on the status of all troll-led operations in government-owned businesses. Obviously, this camp qualified.

“Ah, Vantas,” a familiar voice greeted. A striped scarf and similar pants caught his attention before he recognized the voice or insignia of the other.

“Eridan…” Karkat breathed with both relief and happiness. It had been five sweeps since he’d seen any of his friends and fellow Gods—all were gone, off doing things in different corners of the new world. Or dead. He figured at least a few of them were dead.

“I never thought I’d say this, Kar, but it’s mighty fuckin' good to see ya,” the once royal troll snickered anxiously, clapping Karkat on the shoulder.

Karkat felt the stiffness in his grip, heard the anxiety in his voice. There was no way Eridan was coping with the way things were. Once he had wanted to wipe out the landdwellers—he had been almost unmatched in battle when he could keep his head, seldom though that was—and now he was training them to fight, and fight for humans. On top of that, any wrong move he might make could get him killed. Karkat knew all of this…and he was not envious.

“It’s great to see you too, you ass,” he laughed, trying to ease his tension with friendly insults. It wasn’t a lie, though, he was very grateful to see the violetblood. It was the first familiar face he’d been graced with in a long time.

Eridan passed him a tight lipped smile and a small punch on the shoulder, which Karkat returned for old times' sake, before heading into the ghastly building that stood before them.


	2. Factories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat does his job and is a little insensitive

Each hall was silent as the two Gods walked—the troops were out training and the barracks empty. Eridan engaged in scripted chatter regarding the history and maintenance of the facility and its assets while Karkat let his eyes sweep over his surroundings in a pseudo-inspection. The dark green sheets were all wrapped tightly, crisply, against the mattress hidden within the alcoves that were the bunks. The black wooden ladders stretched up the length of the singed metal walls, finally stopping at about six bunks high. Each bunk was made up with precision (and any that weren’t, Eridan made note of as Karkat fixed. Neither would wish to see a troll killed for slightly askew sheets).

The conversation switched from scripted to friendly once the rounds through the barracks were made. “I just don’t get it, Kar,” Eridan sighed. He tucked a pen behind his fin and folded his arms over his clipboard. “We are Gods, we shouldn’t be treated like we’re nothin’ at all. You seen any o’ the others since we been on this planet?”

Karkat crinkled his nose and shook his head. “You’re the first,” he sighed, sagging a little. “This privileged life isn’t shit, Eridan, everything’s fucked up.”

Eridan scoffed and tossed his head. “Well at least you don’t have t’ fear for your life every time ya walk out the hive door.”

“That’s the thing though, Ampora.” Another sigh echoed through the metal corridor. “I don’t like seeing you guys being smacked around like you’re nothing, and I hate not being a part of it. I want to fucking fight these dickbags but they’ll laugh at me because I’m privileged. I’d rather be here.”

Eridan immediately stopped in his tracks, a look of horror and sadness dawning on him. Karkat didn’t realize at first that he’s stopped walking, but when he did, he turned back around, waiting for the seadweller to speak.

“You don’t have a clue what yer sayin’ there, Kar,” he asserted, voice forceful and low. “You just don’t.”

Karkat suddenly felt guilty. Eridan was right, he actually had no idea what went on in a place like this, had no idea what sort of threats were put upon his people. He thought he hated that part the most; the part where he suddenly had power over even Feferi, how he was suddenly hated for his blood in the opposite direction, and how he had no idea how hard his friends really had it, much less how to save them. “Then show me,” he nearly begged, turning to completely face Eridan.

A shadow fell over the purpleblood’s face, along with a face of fierce determination. “Come with me then, Kar. You really have to see this.”

Karkat became frightened and confused, but followed Eridan without a word.

The sound of a torch on metal became very clear as the two got closer to whatever it was that Eridan wanted to show. On top of a large ventilation system sat a large nearly naked being, gloves and mask the only things to protect it (him, it became clear to see) from the welding torch flashing against the metal of a duct.

Karkat’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Eridan, what…?”

“You’ll see, Kar,” he said softly. They stopped in front of the man’s perch and Eridan called out a name Karkat would never have expected. “Equius.”


	3. Beasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat makes a decision.

The large troll immediately ceased his actions and flinched, quickly pulling the mask from his face and turning his attention to the one who had summoned him. He jumped from the ventilation system and landed gracefully only to kneel in front of Eridan. He held the same level of admiration for the royal-blooded troll as he did back on Alternia, even Karkat could see that.

“Eridan—”

“Shush, Kar. Eq, say hi to Karkat, won’t you?”

Eridan’s face was grim as he stared, reluctantly, down at the reverent troll. The aforementioned troll hesitated before lifting his head towards Karkat. His eyes were wide and frightened and his clenched fists trembled almost violently. Dark blue irises could hardly bear to gaze at red ones for more than a second and dropped immediately back to the ground.

Karkat nearly physically backpedaled. Equius looked positively disturbed, frightened, as if the sight or even the thought of Karkat had traumatized him, or brought back a memory of something that had. Equius’ head was turned down, eyes shut tightly, breathing harsh and limbs shaking. Eridan’s face broke into look of grief. “Ya see, Kar?” he sighed, leaning down and running his fingers through Equius’ sweat-soaked and singed hair. “They broke him. You remember what he used to be like, yeah? All about the hemospectrum but always willin’ to help a friend, always talkin’ down to ya, an’ sometimes, to me. Never really meanin’ much of it even if he believed it was true and all. Head held high. Independent. Strong. Now…all you see is all he is. A mechanic, a barkbeast for the military. An’ scared’a you, Kar. Scared’a humans and scared’a mutants.” Disgust dripped from the way he spat out the words “humans” and “mutants,” as if they were on the same level.

Karkat’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest. Equius was without a moirail and without an identity, fixing machines for the menace oppressing them, almost wallowing in fear. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t proper.

“Sir,” a quiet, choked voice said. It took a few moments for Karkat to realize it was Equius himself, deep voice hoarse and timid. “Sir, with your explicit permission, I would like to be dismissed from this place.”

Eridan nodded and stood, Equius following. Karkat stepped back; he felt too guilty to be close to the blueblood, and watched as he walked with disciplined speed into the dark recesses of the unlit hallway.

A bit later, in the camp’s staff room, the two were sitting with coffee in hand and discussing. Karkat’s face was ashamed and outraged at the same time. He didn’t have a very difficult time believing that the humans would go so far as to try to break Equius, but he did find it very strange that they managed to succeed. Equius’ duty was his life, and now that the hemospectrum had been dismantled, he was useless. Humans were superior. Redbloods were superior. Mechanics are nothing. Workbeasts and mongrels, the lot of them.

“It just isn’t fucking fair,” he barked, slamming a fist on the table. Eridan sipped his coffee calmly, sympathizing with Karkat yet unfazed by his reaction. “Equius used to be so...and now he’s…just…I can’t even handle this level of absolute fucking stupidity!”

Eridan nodded, eyes closed. “I know, Kar. I’ve been trying to get him to get riled up like he did in the game, when he confronted Gamzee, but he’s been stamped down in the dirt too much an’ he’s not got a bit of himself in there anymore.”

Karkat, who had been staring at Eridan as he spoke, looked away abruptly with a snort. “We…have to break him out of here.”

This surprised Eridan. “Break him out?”

A look crossed Karkat’s face indicating that perhaps he hadn’t thought about what he’d said, but he replied, “Yes. Yeah, that. We have to. I can do it, can’t I? I’m supposedly the motherfucking upper class right? They won’t question me.”

“Yes they will!” Eridan snapped. He scooted closer to the redblood and leaned into his face. “Listen, Kar, you may be almost human in caste, but yer still a troll, and they’ll murder you if ya give ‘em a reason.”

Karkat hesitated with the realization of it, but he was determined. “Eridan. I can’t save them all. But I have to at least try to save him. If I’m going to be the highblood around here, I have to do something. Equius is a God and he hasn’t had to live like this his whole life.”

“Listen to me, Vantas—”

“I have to.”

Minutes ticked by with red eyes staring into purple. Karkat’s gaze was unwavering; his anger was hotter than it had been in a long time. Eridan was the one to finally break the tense silence between them. “Alright, Kar. I’ll do what I can to help.”


	4. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Karkat has a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short but its okay im getting to the good part

Darkness had fallen over the city by the time Karkat had a plan. He walked home in silence, lost in thought, trying to figure how it would work.

Well, first, he knew he would have to gain Equius’ trust back. The troll was so broken down that the disdainful looks had turned to fearful ones, and well, that just wasn’t their relationship. Equius would still likely look at him the same way even with this new system of hierarchy, just because they were trolls, and “human ideals ought not apply to one that is not human,” as he had said when first they visited their new world. This was also the reason the regaining of trust would be such a monumental task; for a troll like the blueblood to change so drastically, Karkat knew there would be much to do before things were normal again.

And that was exactly what he planned to do. Karkat decided he would go over to the camp every day during Eridan’s shift (the evening shift) and just talk to the brute. There could be no harm in that, right? The government couldn’t fault a mutant for interviewing the lower castes right?

The next evening Karkat found himself being escorted into the very lowest floor of the camp. “They put him down here,” Eridan explains, “for safe keepin’. He’s still a strong’un and he’ll do a number on ya if yer catchin’ him in the right mood.”

Karkat ended up having to reroute his escape plan in his head several times over the nights he spent with Equius in his underground garage. Over time it became easier as the pathways became clearer to him.

This, however, was the easiest part of his visits.

The first time Karkat entered the troll’s “home,” Equius moved away every time Karkat tried to get close. He sat away instead and spoke with hushed tones, fully understanding the delicacy of the situation. The next few nights were better, since Equius now knew that Karkat was not there to harm him, and it was on the sixth night that Karkat was able to sit with Equius on the human bed that sat upon the wall beside the door.

“So,” the conversation began. Equius still flinched when Karkat’s voice rang through the room, but he at least was able to stay where he was beside Karkat. “So, I have this plan, Equius. I’m going to get you out of this Goddamned fucking place and away from town.”

Silence fell for a few moments. It became clear that Equius wasn’t going to speak, but he did turn his face in Karkat’s direction in confusion. Karkat snorted and turned away. “We’re breaking you out. We leave in a couple days.”


	5. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the two make their escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writers block sucks and this chapter will probably be edited later because i really am not happy with it

The night was upon them that Karkat would do his very best to rehabilitate one battered and broken Equius Zahhak. An unnecessary task it would seem to anyone else, but to Karkat, it was the only thing to do. Perhaps he was doing it just to feel good about himself, and perhaps he was just trying to make up for his failures as a leader all those sweeps ago, but the reason didn’t matter nearly as much as the predicted outcome.

Karkat arrived when the lights in the sky were just beginning to dwindle. Eridan let him in discreetly, warned him once more that he would be calling it in as soon as they were gone, and went to his position keeping the cadets quiet and in the mess hall.

Rushing through now familiar corridors didn’t make Karkat’s heart pump nearly as fast as it had in the beginning, yet the thought of what he was about to do had him short of breath throughout his entire trek to the basement that was Equius’ prison. It took several minutes less than usual to reach Equius, but this extra time was eaten up by the confusion and unwillingness of the mechanic to be saved.

“Do you really want to stay down here all of your life and work as a beast?” Karkat hissed at him from the doorway of the garage that served as a hive. “We’re Gods, you ignorant fuck, and you never should have been treated this way. What are you now? You won’t hardly fucking look at me, even after all the nights I’ve spent here with you. Can you even get it through your thick skull how wrong that is? You used to look at me with such disapproval, and now you can’t even see yourself as being on my level, much less above me. Get the fuck out of bed and follow me you miserable ass hat!”

The quick and quiet rant had at least gotten Equius to think it over, and he slowly rose and followed the smaller troll out into the cool darkness of the basement corridor.

Corners rounded, bunks ducked around and avoided, guards shooshed and reminded to look the other way (as had been commanded by Eridan himself), and about twenty minutes later the two were making their way out the front gate. 

Sneaking through town was possibly the hardest part, as they had to duck in alleyways and avoid people in the shadows. They were fortunate that darkness was upon them and Equius, with so little clothing, had his caste mostly hidden, but if they were caught, they would be killed immediately.

“We’re almost there, Equius,” he called back to his companion every so often. Equius was silent, but ran on, following Karkat’s every move exactly. The only thought in Karkat’s mind was, “Get to the hive, get to the hive.”

Karkat felt a weight lift off his chest when his eyes landed on the alley that was directly across from his hive—and felt it come crashing back down when he saw the two humans standing right outside.


	6. Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which bad things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  
> THIS CHAPTER IS VERY SHORT AND I DID THAT ON PURPOSE. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF GORE AND VIOLENCE. PLEASE BE ADVISED. PLEASE SEE THE NOTES AT THE END OF THE WORK FOR A VAGUE SUMMARY WITH AS FEW TRIGGERS AS POSSIBLE.  
> THANK YOU.

Karkat’s skin bristled as Equius snuck past him. “Equius!” he hissed after him, crouching in the darkness. “Come back here, you idiotic fuck!”

Unexpectedly, he didn’t turn at Karkat’s command. Instead he continued his half-hearted attempts to sneak across the darkened street to where the guards stood in wait outside Karkat’s hive. Karkat wished with all his might that Eridan had waited longer to report their escape. Or that Equius had been ready enough to do this from the get-go instead of hesitating the entire way out of the camp. Either way, Equius was on his way to getting himself—and possibly Karkat—caught and killed.

And yet, somewhere between Karkat smacking himself in the forehead and sinking to the ground in annoyance, Equius had managed to make his way behind the guards. As Karkat watched, large hands reached out towards the unsuspecting humans, gripped them by the backs of their heads, and smashed them together.

Darkened red, nearly black, fluid gushed thickly from shattered skulls as the two limp and twitching bodies crumpled to the ground in bloodied heaps. Karkat felt his stomach heave and he had to look away and catch his breath and swallow the bile that rose in his throat; he’d seen enough death in his time, gruesome deaths at that, but never any so grotesque. Equius left his hands hanging in the air where the heads had been, coated and dripping with blood and bone fragments and brain matter. His face was unchanged, as stoic and slightly sad as it had been most of their journey so far. He seemed to hold no remorse or pity for the corpses.

Once Karkat had his wits gathered he ran as quickly as he could. He nearly retched again as he danced his way over the bodies at Equius’ feet, but once more swallowed it down and gripped one large soaked and stained hand. “Come on,” he breathed, tugging the larger troll up the steps and into the warmth of the hive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically: they arrive at the alley in front of Karkat's hive and there are two guards out front. Equius sneaks over and murders them. Karkat nearly gets sick but joins Equius and then leads him inside his hive to prepare to run away.


	7. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Karkat prepares to run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst. and uh...karkat freaking out about a thing Equius does that doesnt bother Eq so much.
> 
> dont cry too much.

Desperation and the burn of necessity bubbled in Karkat’s blood as he frantically roamed his hive. Now that Equius had murdered two humans, they would have to be out of town my sunup. What a concept—running away by the dark of night in order to not be seen. It wasn’t like Karkat wasn’t used to having to sneak around in order to live, but he had sort of gotten used to walking around in broad daylight without the fear of being killed.

“Sit down right there in the kitchen, Equius,” Karkat instructed as he searched the cupboards. “We need to get food, and I need to get money, don’t really get the whole system of dollars and cents, boonbucks were so easy to deal with…where’s that bag I...ah…Equius hand me that if you would…thank you.”

The only thought in Karkat’s head was protecting Equius at this point. Not that he had ever particularly cared so much for the enormously strong troll, but for some reason, now…it was all he could do. If anyone needed saving it was the blueblood, and he was going to do anything he could to get Equius back to the way he used to be.

Suddenly it dawned on him that he would have to hide Equius’ caste markings somehow—that is, his horns and his eyes, and find him a sweatshirt or something with Karkat’s own insignia on it. The large government issued hoodie in the back of the closet would work for sure, and he had a pair of sunglasses on the—

A sickening crack sent shivers up Karkat’s spine and he froze. Now, he wasn’t an expert, but that noise sounded like a bone breaking. And not just breaking, snapping, almost shattering, kind of like the sound that the guards’ heads had made, only drier. It almost caused Karkat physical pain, that sound.

When he turned around—slowly, frightened, cautious—his eyes immediately landed on the other man in the room. The table was intact, his legs were still in the same position…both arms were complete…but one hand held something Karkat never would have suspected, and it almost made him sick for the second time that night.

Equius had broken off half of his other horn.

“What the actual FUCK have you done?!” the redblood screamed, dropping everything he had in his arms and sprinting over in front of the blueblood.

Equius flinched and looked away, fear on his face, but no remorse. In an instant Karkat’s fingers were all over him, prying the horn from thick fingers, aimlessly combing through thin black hair, pulling Equius’ head to his chest. Obviously it was a protective instinct, but Equius felt no pain, and needed no comforting.

“Why,” Karkat was breathing, “why, why would you do that, you goddamned idiot, you absolute fucking moron, what the hell could you have been thinking? Were you thinking at all? Oh my God you’re so fucking stupid, I swear I could kill you right now, I—”

“You said we must hide my caste,” Equius said softly into the warmth of Karkat’s chest, surprisingly unaffected by all the cursing and insults to his intelligence.

The hand on his hair stopped as silence fell over them for a moment. Equius dared not to move, but then Karkat’s shaking fingers gripped the sides of his face, pushing it back enough for eyes to meet eyes. Words remained absent as red eyes searched dark blue. The perspiration accumulating on Equius’ skin was ignored.

It was several minutes before Karkat’s confused voice matched his confused eyes. “Wh-why didn’t you just let me figure things out first?” he breathed. “I could have found a way!”

Equius blinked and shook his head out of Karkat’s gentle grip. “This way is the most efficient. If my caste must be masked it would likely be best if I were to look somewhat like you, and beneath a hood, one would not be able to tell the difference.”

Another minute of silence ticked by as Karkat pulled the jumble of thoughts in his head together enough that he could come up with a response. No response came, but eventually he just hissed, slammed the horn back into Equius’ palm, and began rushing around once again.


	8. Flee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Karkat and Equius embark on their journey and begin to understand a little better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Reposted because i posted chapter 9 earlier without realizing and now i feel dumb okay

Sneaking out of town was a relatively easy task, and they were beyond the city limits by daybreak. Beyond that, miles and miles passed them by in a flash. They ultimately made it to a small town in the middle of an otherwise featureless stretch of empty fields and asphalt roads that turned off one way and faded to dirt the other. They trudged along the side of this road, denying any offered rides and ducking in the roadside vegetation any time an authority vehicle passed.

The journey on which they embarked lasted several days. It took these several days for Karkat to fully understand the predicament they were in and the differences between himself and his companion, who cowered silently beside or behind him most of the way.

The first night on the road was a hard one; Karkat had no idea just how little Equius had been fed, and he wasn’t prepared for Equius’ stomach to reject most of what Karkat gave him to eat. Equius, ever the gentleman, politely excused himself and stripped off Karkat’s loaned clothes before darting into the vegetation to vomit. Karkat, of course, hated himself for that, shouting insults mentally, reminding himself to be more careful. Equius said nothing about any of it.

The second day Karkat spent trying to get Equius to engage in conversation. He’d spoken sparsely and there were more moments of silence than Karkat thought he could have handled with anyone else. Although Equius had had very little hesitation in speaking before, it now seemed as though, since his entire existence rested now on Karkat’s shoulders, he was either shy, bitter, or intimidated. So Karkat recounted things from their time playing the game, things especially involving Equius himself. He talked about Nepeta and her planet, spoke teasingly about them having “meowrail” tea parties, made fun of how Equius would have, at one time, hardly been able to hold the cup without it shattering. He recalled the legs crafted specifically for Tavros, the fiasco with Aradiabot, the strangeness of his dancestor, and even after all of that, Equius only grunted in response.

It wasn’t until a short time after Karkat gave up that a single intelligible word came out of Equius’ mouth. He began softly, haltingly, as if he wasn’t sure about the idea of telling Karkat much besides the obvious. “Three…men. There…were three human men in suits. They called it re-education. They taught me to follow orders silently. ‘We’re your masters now. You know how to obey orders, don’t you, soldier? An exceptionally strong man like yourself?’ False niceties, the whole of the conversation. Yet they drilled it into me that I am not to speak, only to obey. Like a good beast.”

Karkat felt himself flinch at the way Equius hissed the word “beast.” “Well, of all the things that changed, at least your strength hasn’t,” he managed quietly, hoping that it might be some comfort.

He found, though, that his words had the opposite effect. “It sounds so damn dirty now,” Equius snapped. A second later Karkat saw shame flit across his face. “Pardon my crude language. Sir.”

Karkat snorted at that. “Sir. Don’t ‘sir’ me, Equius, I don’t want this any more than you do.”

“As if you could understand.” And Equius froze, stopping in his tracks. He was still on edge, still trained to not talk back to those above him, and still expecting to feel a blow from a fist or blunt object.

Karkat stopped walking as well and turned to see the taller troll condensed. His head was lowered and his shoulders hunched, hands wringing. A sneer crinkled Karkat’s face as he moved closer to comfort or confront the other.

“Equius,” he sighed, reaching up to touch the other’s shoulder. Equius flinched. Retracting his hand, Karkat continued, “I’m not like a human, Zahhak. I’m not going to hurt you. As if I could, you’d break all my bones. But—and I’m trying not to get loud, Zahhak, you’ve pissed me off, make no mistake—don’t you dare say I don’t understand. Maybe I don’t know exactly what it is you’ve been through, but don’t you fucking think for a second that I don’t understand what it’s like to live with the constant fear of being destroyed because of one infinitesimal step out of line.”

Equius’ eyes remained trained on the ground at his feet. He didn’t appear to really regret what he said, but he did seem embarrassed. “None of the past matters, Zahhak,” Karkat huffed, turning on his heel. “I got you out of that city, and at least for now, you’re the highblood again. I’m just a mutant freak.”

A quiet sentence floated past Karkat’s ears before the sound of footsteps followed him: “You were never just a simple mutant.”


	9. Safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shelter is found and friends reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of you who read this chapter when i updated it as chapter 8 already know whats happening. go back and reread chapter 8 if you recognize this chapter because i updated out of order. thanks <3

The looks on the faces of the people in the small town were those of sympathy and slight confusion, a welcome break from the ones of suspicion and violent intent back in the city. People ducked their heads in greeting as they hurried by rather than avoid them. The biggest difference—and Karkat had to admit that he was happy with the scene—was the fact that trolls seemed to walk equal to each other and to the few human residents. Body language suggested the human residents had come to be near trolls with whom they’d filled quadrants.

The town looked to be similar to a small village in human history, with quaint cottages and dirt roads and travel by either horse or foot. Scents of fresh bread and candle wax swirled around the two newcomers. 

“Karkat! Equius!” A familiar voice rang through the air, and those in question turned their heads in the direction of she who had summoned them.

Equius cringed and was on one knee in an instant, nearly tugging Karkat to the ground with him. “Empress.”

Feferi trotted over and stopped right in front of Karkat, a wide and toothy smile on her face. “It’s so good to see you guys! Welcome, welcome! Oh, glub, Equius, please, do stand!”

Warmth flooded Karkat with Feferi’s welcome. He extended his hand towards his fellow god, attempting a half-decent smile in return. “Hey, Feferi! It’s good to see you too! How did you manage to find yourself here, so far away from the water?”

Feferi motioned for them to follow her as she turned and began to walk back through the streets of the town. Passersby bent at the waist in respect as they walked. Equius gripped Karkat’s forearm gently—that is, gently for him—and tried to stay as small as possible as Feferi talked.

“Well see, Karkat, Nepeta and Roxy and I decided we would, and I quote, ‘peace outta that mad whack trash heap’ about a sweep after we got here, when all the culling and reaping was happening.” The royal blooded troll had a bounce in her step that Karkat noticed he’d missed seeing in trolls. “So we did! We made a place where trolls can come to live together equally. Even though that’s not how it was on Alternia, I think it’s time for a change, and after so much oppression in the cities, it was a necessary project. Roxy’s void powers got us out unseen and helped us to get all the materials and things we needed to create a town here far away from most of the human population. Nepeta is basically our entire peace corps, threatening hand-to-hand combat with anyone who dares break my laws. And well—obviously I’m acting Empress and Healer, with my life powers and all. Oh! And don’t worry about being far from water, Karkles. There’s a stream running right through town and a little trollmade lake inside my house. Gosh but I’m rambling. What brings you guys here? Have you all met the others since we came around? How’s the city?”

Karkat had only been paying a little attention, rather lost in Feferi’s voice and the calming sense of familiarity it held, and so Equius, who had listened the entire time, holding onto words like lifelines, answered on behalf of the pair of them. “We’re running.”

Karkat’s heart leapt in his chest and he froze. Yes, they were running. The two of them, running away together, like in some silly old romantic comedy he suddenly vaguely remembered seeing in the distant past.

“Ah, running,” Feferi sighed, folding her hands in front of her and looking towards the ground. “It seems that a lot of trolls that come here are running.” Her voice was sad, and beyond those words was a silence that stretched on until they came to a stop outside a tall building the humans called a “hotel.” She asked no further questions about what had brought the odd pair, and left them alone in a rush to tend to more comfortable duties.

Karkat watched her go, feeling a pang of true despair for the first time since this whole mess fell into his lap. Then, with a sigh, he looked towards Equius and gestured towards the right. “Let’s go inside, Zahhak.”


	10. Sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Karkat is kept awake once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically this is just kind of a short filler chapter because i dont know whats going on anymore. please see the end of the chapter for important notes regarding this story

The night weighed heavily on Karkat’s mind as he stared out over the town below him. He could see very little by the town’s own light, as there was very little, but the moon, at its halfway point in its waxing cycle, cast a dim glow over everything in sight. He found that he liked it here; it was more like his previous home on Alternia had been, but the buildings were far closer together and gave him the sense of belonging he’d begun to crave in this new world.

And that’s when his heavy thoughts turned to Equius. He almost stamped them down, as was his habit, but he forced himself to think through them, as there was no better time to do so than on a sleepless night in a place you don’t understand.

Equius Zahhak had never been one of his favorite trolls. He was big, and he was sweaty, and he was always putting others down for their caste. It didn’t take Karkat long to realize that he was really a good guy. He treated Nepeta really well even though someone else with his blood would never think of it. He created robotic prosthetics for the spiderbitch and for Tavros, and even though it was really creepy, he created that robot body for Aradia. So it was clear that Equius was a really giving troll who cared for his friends. It was hard to look past that sometimes, with his horse obsession, absurd strength, awkward fetish, and mildly disturbing way of handling things. But now that Karkat thought about it…he really was a good guy. And Karkat almost didn’t hate how much he pitied that motherfucker.

There was that fleeting thought again. Pity. Pity for Equius. Yes, it was there; but further inspection with his new knowledge of humankind and their emotions told him that he also felt what humans called “love.” He couldn’t stop thinking about how terrible the troll looked in that garage, few clothes, cuts and burns all over his arms that healed but were never treated properly, the bags beneath his eyes that had only gotten worse. He hated— _loathed_ —the idea that anyone, especially a human, could have brought him down as low as they did. He wanted to make Equius feel like he was welcome somewhere, like he belonged again. He’d been jumping back and forth between distant and condescending, and it was killing Karkat.

His train of thought stopped in its tracks at that moment, when a large hand smacked him on the shoulder. He jerked in surprise, and the owner of the hand jerked back as well. “Sorry,” Equius’ gruff voice whispered.

Karkat let out the breath he sucked in and turned. “What is it, Zahhak?” he sighed.

The other man’s blue eyes lowered sheepishly. It felt like hours before he took a small breath and said, “I thought you were talking in your sleep…”

Karkat’s heart sped up. Oh, shit. “What did you hear?” he hissed, trying hard not to sound too defensive.

Those blue eyes searched Karkat’s; for what, Karkat wasn’t sure. But whatever it was, Equius gave up and rolled back over in the hotel bed. “I couldn’t understand it. Sorry for bothering you.”

For about ten minutes after that, Karkat’s heart thudded in his chest loudly, even when he turned back to the window. He looked up at the sky, looked at all the stars, tried to count them until his heart could calm down.

The sun was creeping over the horizon by the time Karkat’s eyes finally closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so heres the deal guys. no i am not going to discontinue this story, there is no way in hell id do that im way too proud of this fic SORRY IF I FRIGHTENED YOU  
> what MAY HAPPEN is that i will end this specific fic in another chapter or two after the specific purpose of this fic (that is, karkat making equius feel like he belongs) is complete and then continue it as part of a series that is not just focused on pairings because i want this to be a BIG THING  
> now keep in mind that its all sort of up in the air right now while i figure out what exactly needs to be resolved and how i will resolve it. it MAY be a really long fic (with sex scenes here and there because hoo boy it was just supposed to lead up to sex lets be real) or it may become part of a series we just dont know. i will let you all know when i decide things. but id love to hear comments from people about what you think i ought to do.


	11. Filler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which emotions are stupid and Karkat thinks about other things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in the middle of writers block so it sucks its a horrible segue into the next part of the fic i'll probably edit it later because its just really terrible  
> id really like feedback to see if you guys want me to continue this fic for the purpose of finishing out the story and making it a huge thing (in other words not just stopping when they finally do the do) or if i should stop it when its fulfilled its purpose (which is them doin the do).  
> 

Karkat’s eyes opened to a midmorning sun flooding the hotel’s room with light. He then squinted and cursed the light for its terrible timing and tugged the covers back over his face. It was this that caused him to realize that he didn't remember getting into bed; or even going to sleep, for that matter. However, the dull aches that shot through him as he sat up made him think that maybe a certain someone else had something to do with his current position. Though somewhat diminished, Equius’ strength was still ridiculous.

A stray thought sent a pang of disappointment through Karkat’s chest.

Speaking of the brute, he was nowhere to be seen. And, Karkat mentally chuckled, he would be hard to miss in this small room. Where could he possibly have gone? He sighed angrily and rubbed his eyes. That damned Equius was going to give him a heart attack.

At that moment he realized that, with Equius elsewhere, he could think more clearly about what exactly it was he was feeling. He could talk it out with himself without anybody judging him. “I could,” he huffed.

“Well for starters, self, this is a fucking ridiculous time for this to be on your mind and I hope your stupid fucked-up ass realizes this. You just fucking escaped a goddamned dystopia and they’re fucking looking for you. Whatever, no big fucking deal, let’s just listen to whatever backwards chemical imbalances are escorting you to a first-class seat on the emotion train.”

He sunk onto the foot of the bed furthest from the window and threaded his fingers—and eyebrows—together. “Okay. So obviously you’ve got a flushed crush on Equius. But why? What makes him so damn pitiable? Is it even pity? Are you developing some weird humanlike emotions? Since when do you make those chemicals? Okay, fucking incredible. Doesn't matter what it is, so let’s focus on more important things. Do you tell him? And if so, how do you go about it? And why in God’s name is that even an option? You’re on the run, for fuck’s sake, holy fucking shit.”

Karkat lowered his face into his hands. This was not a fun conversation with himself, especially when he realized what he realized next: “It’s because he was in that place. He was a fucking dog in that place. And he didn’t deserve that. That’s why you pity him. He feels like he doesn’t belong. You’ve watched way too many romcoms, my friend-self; you’re starting to think like the dopes in those cheesy-ass storylines. As if you could make him feel like he belongs somewhere.” Shame overtook him with each crack in his voice. “You fucking idiot.”

Those words left his mouth seconds before he heard voices outside. Considering the hour, that would not be abnormal in this human world. It was the timbre and pitch of the voices, at least one in particular, that sparked his interest. 

“Equius?”

Karkat was at the window in a flash. The voice was Nepeta’s, and he saw her standing almost directly below the window in the middle of the street, facing the center of town. He never realized just how much he missed her. He missed talking to her, he missed her silly RPs and her dumbass cat puns, the way she used to fawn over him and the fact that he knew it but never took it too seriously, and he found that he REALLY missed her high, squeaky voice, which had lowered as they grew older and was now far less high pitched (and a little raspy now).

The bitter part of his mind piped in and told him that what he didn't miss was the comfort she brought Equius as his moirail.

Meanwhile, the large troll in question had stopped in his tracks on the other side of the street. It looked as if he was on his way back from where Karkat figured Feferi’s place ought to be, the center of town. He flinched when he heard his name being called, but as his eyes scanned the street and he saw the owner of the voice; Karkat flinched when his whole posture changed and he could just tell those blue eyes were lit up behind those sunglasses.

It was at this time that Karkat decided he didn't want or need to see what was going to be a no less than tearful and emotional reunion; he had other things to think about, which would be good for getting his mind off of this stupid unrequited crush he was developing. Emotions were silly and unnecessary in this dystopian sort of society. 

So Karkat began to plan. There were so many things that needed to be thought about now that he was in a place that didn't come with the stress of seeing his people being stomped upon. He walked over to the table on which he had seen a pad of paper and a pen and sat to make a list.

Operation Overthrow the Entire Fucking System  
• Form alliances with as many trolls and humans as possible  
• Weed out moles and spies and informants  
• Find the remaining of the sixteen of us  
• Establish a game plan  
• Establish how many asses need to be kicked at the same time in order to prevent repression 

Karkat nibbled on the end of the pen as he thought. If he was going to lead a revolution, he had to make sure there were no ends that could fray, no holes through which the whole plan could slip. He had to make sure he wasn’t going to be in over his head with this whole thing, because whatever gods he had believed in before knew that the first time he sure had been horn-deep in shit. And if prior experience was any indication, he would need help. An awful lot of help.

He needed to talk with Feferi.


	12. Rolling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a meeting is called and emotions run hot in the background

Karkat became once again fully aware of the conversation when Feferi began talking about John again. It seemed that she was determined to get him to stick around on the ground for a long enough period of time to determine what to do to fix this world they had created. Of course, for this, Karkat would be no help, as he had not seen even a premonition of John since they had separated. Yet for some reason his mind zeroed in just as the name was mentioned.

 

He looked around the table to remind himself of exactly what was going on: Feferi, Nepeta, Roxy, Equius, and some trolls and humans that had government connections in neighboring towns, as well as Karkat himself, sat around a large conference table in a central building in the town. The humans looked almost as tired and as old as Feferi, and Karkat supposed that these humans must be the few that supported the trolls and their rights to live just as well as humans did. As government officials it must be difficult with other government officials constantly yelling at them to get with the times and follow the lead of their mother city. The fact that they sustained their own personal beliefs in equality was the very reason they now sat together, two weeks past Karkat’s planning session in the hotel.

 

For whatever reason, the mention of John Egbert made him severely cross. Not once had John made contact with him. Not once had Karkat been given a single thread of hope that maybe he wasn’t alone, that maybe the other gods really were still around somewhere, trapped just as he was. So yes, John Egbert, supposedly the leader, the Zeus of their little group of deities, was basically just a massive fucking moron in his mutant eyes, and he could care less if the manchild ever showed up to help them fix this disaster of a planet.

 

At the moment the conversation was shifting from its topic of John Egbert to the other missing Gods. “Has anybody heard anything regarding the whereabouts of Vriska, Kanaya, Sollux, or Tavros?” Nepeta was asking. Karkat noticed her voice held a much more serious tone and there was not a single cat pun present. “Because I know that, troll-wise, Aradia is working an underground mafia circuit in the Dansk District, Gamzee is working at a prison camp after getting arrested too many times, Terezi is being forced to drive prison buses between courts and troll prisons, and Eridan is training trolls as military dogs.”

 

Feferi looked around at the others in the room, eyes hopeful. When nobody offered any new information, her face fell a little, but she forced it right back up. Karkat couldn’t help but wonder why Feferi had ever given up her role as empress on Alternia. “Well, perhaps we can contact Aradia and Gamzee and see what they can do to help with their connections. Karkat? Do you think Gamzee would help us?”

 

The troll perked at the sound of his name. Honestly, he had no idea, considering the last time he interacted with the troll he was batshit fucking insane and content to kill on sight. So he shrugged. “He might, but I wouldn’t fucking count on it,” he snorted. “He used to always be the sort of guy to just roll with things. When he was on sopor, anyways, who the hell knows how he is sober and also not in Paradox Space. But,” he shifted in his seat, “I know Eridan will help if we prod his ass enough. I mean, he helped me get Equius out.”

 

Suddenly all eyes were directed towards where Karkat sat with his arms folded over his chest, flicking between him and Equius, who sat meekly beside him with hunched posture and downcast eyes that shifted first to Karkat and then to meet the eyes of those staring at him at the mention of his name. It occurred to Karkat that he had never told Feferi or Nepeta about how he and Equius had come to be in this town, and evidently, neither had Equius.

 

The staring unnerved him and he glared. “What? Eridan’s a good guy, you know,” he reasoned.

 

After a pause and a shifting of eyes throughout the room, the human girl Roxy sniffled a little bit, then leaned forward, elbows on the polished wood of the large table. “Nubs, I think we’d all like to hear the story of how this whole shebang got started. Why’d you need to do a rescuing stunt with this big sweaty guy here?”

 

The two trolls in question shot looks at each other. Karkat could see fear in Equius’ eyes. He couldn’t understand why the blueblood would be afraid of Karkat recounting their miraculous escape, but that fear sent a flare of emotion through his heart. He wasn’t going to betray Equius’ trust in order to quell some curiosity.

 

With a glare turned towards all the eyes that rested on him, familiar and alien, he stood and slammed his hand on the table. Everybody jumped, and in a loud voice, Karkat sneered, “When you people find Egbert and can get a solid plan together for contacting Aradia and Gamzee and everyone and trying to find the other six fuckers that we’re missing from our little rodeo, find me. In the meantime, _I_ am going to go out and figure out where we can get supplies for our impending coup and talk to residents about helping the cause.”

 

With that the angry troll stomped out the door and made his way…he wasn’t sure where he was going. He knew he overdid his refusal, he knew that a simple question like that shouldn’t have made him as mad as it did, and he knew that anything he could do at this point wouldn’t be any more useful than sitting in that tiny room half filled with people he hadn’t seen in sweeps and half filled with people he didn’t trust as far as he could throw them. But the whole thing was really starting to get to him. As long as they’d been on this rock and Karkat still couldn’t believe that things had gone so wrong.

 

His attention was grabbed in the middle of these thoughts by the sound of someone running towards him from behind, footsteps heavy. “Go back in there, Equius,” he huffed when the footsteps got close, without turning to see who it was. “You could give them valuable information.”

 

The large troll fell into step with Karkat. “I know,” he said softly, “but you called this meeting and I don’t think it’s right of you to walk out on it.”

 

Karkat stopped to turn his head and glare at the troll. In the back of his mind he was comfortable because Equius was talking to him like more of an equal now. At the front of his mind he knew Equius was right, he knew that he would have to face everyone again eventually.

 

But he also knew that, in order to save face, he was going to argue and turn the point off the subject at hand.

 

“I should never have even called this stupid fucking meeting,” he growled. “Saving our race? What a ridiculous notion. I see that now, see that there’s no possible fucking way in hell that I could ever even hope to accomplish what I’ve managed to so convincingly persuade everyone into thinking I set out to accomplish in the first place. I’m just one stupid troll, I can’t possibly cater to every fucking tiny cry for help from our people!”

 

Karkat lowered the arm he hadn’t realized was gesturing widely as he spoke, lungs demanding deeper breaths. He felt his face heat up just slightly when he saw Equius just waiting patiently for him to be done talking.

 

“So why did you help me?” the large troll responded, voice soft.

 

Karkat was, in all honesty, taken aback by this question. “Wha—”

 

“I didn’t ask for help,” Equius interrupted. “I didn’t cry out, I didn’t ask to be saved, so why did you save me?”

 

Karkat found that he couldn’t answer. For a moment all he noticed was his heartbeat accelerating. Then he tried to speak, even opened his mouth to do so, but any words he could have spoken got caught in his throat. His grey cheeks flushed with red and he looked away from the taller troll, swallowing hard and trying to catch his breath.

 

Should he tell Equius what was on his mind?


	13. Nerds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat answers stupid questions and there is no time for any of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your feedback, i really really appreciate all of it! i have read every comment that you have left :3  
> I think that I am going to make this all one big long fic and i mean y'know i try to break the chapters up in places where they feel okay to be separated so hopefully if this gets too long you can just bookmark chapters or write down specific chapter titles  
> now that thats out of the way i want to say that this chapter is VERY SHORT because there are going to be emotions and sexytimes in the next chapter and i like to make those standalone chapters. because this one is a sort of cliffhanger i am probably going to tell you in the notes of the next chapter what words to watch for so you dont read something you dont want to and still go through the same emotional trauma as everyone else!  
> (it wont be emotionally traumatic i dont think)  
> but as i said thank you for all of your feedback (though i can always use more :3c)

Karkat’s fingers clenched and unclenched against his palm. He was anxious and he didn’t know if this was the best option. But he had to give an answer soon, he knew he did. So, with fierce determination in his eyes, he grabbed a fistful of Equius’ tank top and tugged him, confused and sputtering, in the direction of the hotel.

 

Equius asked what Karkat was doing, what he was thinking, and what was happening several times on the way up to their room, but Karkat never even glanced back until he had shoved Equius inside the room and shut the door. “You want to know what I’m doing, Zahhak?” the small troll hissed, eyebrows turned down in frustration. “You want to know why I helped you? I helped you because you weren’t your fucking _self_.”

 

“And since when do you care whether I’m myself or not?” Equius shot back, standing stock still as Karkat placed his hands on his hips and turned back towards the door.

 

Karkat froze. Since when did he care? He turned back towards the taller troll. “Are you fucking out of your mind, Zahhak?” he huffed. “I may be a lot of fucking terrible obscene things, but I could never have wished for you to become what you became. Equius, you wouldn’t even look at me. It just wasn’t you.” Karkat felt all the anger in him dissipate immediately, replaced by memories of that day and the sadness that accompanied them without hesitation.

 

Neither Karkat nor Equius made a move or a sound for several minutes. Karkat looked anywhere but at Equius, constantly shifting his weight from his left foot to his right. In the meantime, Equius simply stared at Karkat from behind his glasses, mouth an emotionless line as, imperceptibly, thoughts raced through his mind. Equius didn’t know that Karkat fully intended on telling him everything, and Karkat didn’t know if it was even the proper time to tell him everything. Many unknowns floated in the air, several of which were blown away when Karkat opened his mouth.

 

“Equius, I like you,” he said confidently. “It’s more than flushed feelings, it’s more than pity; in human terms, I like you. But before you say anything”—he held up his hand as Equius lurched to say something—“you’ve got to get it through your thick fucking meaty skull that I do not have time to make any sort of weird romcom-worthy romance out of whatever the hell we decide to do with this. Also know that my even thinking about telling you all of this bullshit is so that you finally fucking understand that all I wanted was to protect your ass. Does that answer your moronic question, fuckface?”

 

Karkat’s face was entirely red by the time he was finished speaking. He knew he jumped the gun, he knew none of this had anything to do with the future of their kind and their world, and he knew that there were far more pressing matters at the moment.  John wasn’t going to find himself, there were people to recruit and meetings to set up, days if not weeks or even months of preparations and planning and work to do. Emotions were distractions and had no place being mixed in with the heavy-duty stress of potential political and social warfare.

 

However, there was nothing that could make him care about those things the moment he noticed a small tear fall from beneath Equius’ glasses.


	14. Discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stupid nasty emotions and karkat trying to trick equius into getting pissed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fuckin fic is 27 pages in a word document (its really more like 23-25 because of spacing)  
> anyways so i have decided that this fic is going to be a REALLY LONG FIC. What I might do is make an index of the really important chapters, chapters with important plot details, to make it easier to navigate instead of expecting people to read what will be upwards of twenty chapters by the time im done (probably).  
> ive also decided that the chapter after this one is going to be nsfw and not required. i anything important happens in chapter 15 i will let you know in the notes of chapter 16. sounds like a plan? yes.  
> so this chapter is kind of sappy and stupid and karkats dialogue is a little inconsistent but i like to think its still in character.  
> blah blah blah sharky nobody reads this crap anyway get to the story! you havent updated in forever you douche! okay fine.

Concern rose inside Karkat and he unfolded the arms that he hadn’t even realized he’d folded against his chest. Yes, Equius was definitely crying, though silently and without more than a downward twitch at the corner of his lip. _Oh God,_ he thought, _I’ve broken the brute. Broken him again._ He leaned forward to try to get a look at the blue eyes behind the smashed shades, only to see his own concerned face staring back—curse the dimness of the room and the heaviness of the tint on the lenses.

 

“Oh what have I done now, Zahhak?” His voice was tiny. He honestly did not know what to do in a situation like this. He had never seen the large troll show very much emotion at all. “What have I done?”

 

Equius was silent, and that angered and worried Karkat. “Come on, you fucker, why are you crying?” he implored, voice thick.

 

“Even Eridan did not have the courage to remove me from that vile place, Karkat,” Equius finally replied, voice low and broken. “Eridan, who is currently teaching our kind to fight back against the human menace in secret. He is easily the bravest of all of us and yet he would not do what he could to free me for fear that he would be found out quickly if he did so. And so I can say that I am surprised that you, a troll I never truly got the chance to think much of, and quite frankly was at one point _appalled_ by, turned out to be the bravest of the twelve of us.”

 

Karkat was taken aback by this remark and took in a sharp breath through his nose. “Brave,” he huffed in disbelief. “You think I’m brave?”

 

Equius blinked at Karkat. “Braver than I, for certain,” he said with a nod, dragging a knuckle along his bottom eyelid to remove the wetness the tears had left. “I’m too terrified even to kiss you. I’m not worthy.”

 

That was a phrase that Karkat never thought he would hear. He was disappointed to hear it; after all, Equius had been making great progress. But now Equius’ face was downcast and he was pulled in on himself, hands clasped and knees together as he sat in a chair between the two mattresses. Karkat knew that if he let this continue, Equius would become a liability rather than an asset. He had to do something. He had to—

 

“ _Worthy_ ,” Karkat spat. “What the fuck do you even know about being worthy? What do you think being worthy _means_ anymore?”

 

Equius looked up, confused at the anger in Karkat’s voice. Karkat continued.

 

“You damn motherfucking grub. What do you think matters here, Equius? We’re fucking _prisoners_ on our own _planet_ and you’re talking about being unworthy of _kissing me_? Where is your fucking thinkpan you useless vat of piss?”

 

Equius smacked his thighs and stood, the anger building within him. “Watch your tone, Vantas,” he warned, “it was you who just thrust these emotions out into the open, not I.”

 

“Oh, so now you want to try and fucking order me around,” Karkat snorted. He rolled his eyes and turned on his heel. After a few steps towards the door he whipped around to once more face the tall troll. “What changed, Zahhak? In the last thirty minutes, what’s changed in you?”

 

“What are you blathering about, Vantas, I—”

 

“Vantas,” Karkat interrupted. His tone was softer than it had been and held just a small edge of smugness. “You’re calling me by my last name, Zahhak.”

 

“I don’t understand what is so greatly shocking about me calling you by your last name,” Equius huffed, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

 

“You used to do that on Alternia,” Karkat explained, his voice softening even more. “And in SGRUB. When we were perfectly divided.” He knew he’d cracked something in there. He could tell that his plan had worked because no matter how close Equius got to being normal again he still hadn’t reverted back to calling him “Vantas”. That is, until now.

 

It wasn’t visible behind Equius’ shades, but he blinked a couple of times as understanding washed over him. Before they were close, before the game ended, before this world was created, there had been a rift between them. Equius would not call Karkat by his first name; on Alternia the reason for this was that he wished there to be no confusion regarding his level of intimacy with the mutant Karkat (which was zero) while in the game it was out of respect for Karkat’s self-proclaimed leadership position, though at the time he believed it was not something the mutant deserved.

 

Blue eyes trained on a tight and rueful face that was attempting to be masked by smugness and even pride. Equius swallowed a lump that was rising in his throat. He found that he did not fear this man. He also found that he respected him a great deal, as he had said previously. There was one other emotion he felt, though he could not put his finger on it as he watched the shorter troll close his eyes and look down with a grunt.

 

“And this is how it’s meant to be, Zahhak,” Karkat sighed, relaxing the tension in his back and clasping his hands behind himself. “You and I in our proper fucking places: I pulling off the grandest of façades and pretending that I have everything figured out and planned and tied up in a neat little bow, and you, bumbling around like a blathering idiot whose only goal is to keep peaceful but distant relationships and inevitably crush the forces of evil or die trying. I’ve said what I needed to say, Zahhak, and you’re finally coming around. Now come on, we have work to do.”

 

With that Karkat turned once again towards the door to the tiny room—and once again he only made it a few steps before he stopped in his tracks. Only, this time, Equius’ words made not only his feet, but his heart stop altogether.

 

“You never allowed me the opportunity to answer your question.”

 

Slowly the red-eyed troll turned said orbs towards the other troll in the room, the troll who still stood beside the chair between the beds with his shades on and his hair falling over his shoulder. It was still shocking to see the two broken horns and the oddity of Karkat’s crest emblazoned upon the only clothes Equius had to wear. Though noticing these things was just Karkat stalling, not certain he wanted to hear this. “What question?”

 

“You asked me what changed in the last thirty minutes,” Equius replied smoothly, sounding calm and collected. “I have an answer. An hour ago I still felt alone. Forty-five minutes ago I felt like everybody wanted something from me in the form of storytelling fodder. Thirty minutes ago I received information that alleviated the fears and reservations I harbored; the fear that I was less important, the fear that everybody had ulterior motives to my presence, the fear that I did not belong…”

 

And it hit Karkat like a ton of bricks when he realized what the large sweaty idiot was saying. “And now,” he mused aloud, “because of what I said, you…changed your mind?”

 

“I wouldn’t call it that exactly,” Equius declined. “A changing of mind implies there was some choice to feeling what I felt.”

 

“…Equius.” Karkat turned the rest of the way around and approached the tall troll, whose head was slightly downcast as if he was embarrassed about something and did not want to speak. “I’m going to be completely fucking selfish here.” A warning, because if Equius meant what Karkat thought, there was no question as to where this night would end up going. “There’s an entire bloody planet out there that neither of us have seen with our feet on the ground. But you don’t belong out there, do you? You belong here, don’t you? You belong with me.”

 

Equius visibly stiffened at the words but clamped his lips together and nodded “If what you said earlier is true, I’d like to, yes,” he affirmed, although his strong tone and sudden increase in sweat production gave away the expectation he still had for Karkat to blow up in his face and berate him for being so disgustingly romantic.

 

Fire in his eyes, Karkat stepped closer to Equius, stretching up slightly to look into the taller troll’s eyes behind his shades. With hot breath and a stern, possessive tone, Karkat repeated, “You belong with me.”


End file.
